strands

………………..

I started with a million strands,

holding me in place.

One by one,

day by day,

I cut those strands away.

Those who stayed,

pulled a bit more weight,

then they did the prior day.

But still I stayed,

held in place,

by the ever stressing strands.

My cuts were fueled,

by rage and pride.

Would not be bound.

Would not be tied.

Those remaining strands,

they so tried,

but their strength began to wain.

And all those efforts,

to hold me up,

began to be in vain.

Those I let stay,

began to stress,

though I was blind to their fray.

Then I, the idiot swung,

for the only remaining one.

But I never finished the chore.

The last strand, itself, gave way,

and down I fell,

to my appointment with the floor.

important

You were so important

I Should have been suspicious

Of everything you said

It was so important                 

For me

To get inside your head

.. ..

I dream of sleep everynight

Beat my face to bury all these tears

youre among the addictions I always have to fight

What a fucking waste of years

.. ..

Why’d I let you

Get so damn important

Held close every wordyou said

So damn important

For me

To figure out whats in your head

.. ..

When youre carved out of maddness

its so easy to give in.

hate to admit you were ever missed

but where the hell have you been?!

.. ..

You were so important

So important

So important

To me

I am so suspicious 

of everything you ever said

I’ll never know

Never know

What was REALLY inside your head.

the chase

i am tired of chasing those who won’t turn around.

i am tired of chasing those who won’t slow down.

i am tired of chasing those who don’t even care that i am behind them.

i’m no good at what i should be, but great at dreaming of what i could be, and what i wish they’d see in me.

see something free, and someone to be believed in. 

comfortable in pale white skin

ready for everyday to begin

a home for hugs, a house for love, a smile sent from above

and i wish you’d never get enough

real me

This is everything it wasn’t supposed to be
Who knew itd break down who I believed myself to be
and I cant look back at a single moment without regret
cause I know I didnt try my very best
at anything
and when the hardest thing about life is living
I know its not ok to be this way
and day to day makes makes way for nights of tears
I hope I havent made my home here

you’ll never see me this way again
tonight I’ve decided not to pretend
dropped my walls
called off the guards
so you can see
who tomorrow I wont be
the real me

youd never be able to tell
behind the smile burned a secret hell
my minds made up that ill never be sure of anything
only that the pain the morning brings
and every sunrise I’ve missed
and every boy I havent kissed
every day I let get away
reminds me of who I really am
and all the times I wished youd stayed
but my pride let you walk away

youll never see me this way again
cause tonight I’ve decided not to pretend
for you I dropped my walls
and called off the gaurds
so at least you can see
who tomorrow I wont let myself be
the real me


I can walk away but I’ve got nowhere to go
I’ve got so much inside but I’ll never show
I’m so in love but you’d never know
no one ever knows

sometimes when i’m drinking, i start thinking , “is this it? is this really bliss? is this bottle the last thing i’ll kiss? Should i get outside, become someones bride, get a real job, and serve my kids yellow corn on the cob?

should i trash the notion of what is “right”, stay up all night, fight against what i might be, and just be who i am, tell the world i don’t give a good goddamn. slam down another dollar for another bottle. kiss the top til my eyelids drop. this is my night tonight, so fuck whats right.